


Love, Lust, and Honor

by twangcat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dancing, Dirty Talk, Flirting, Getting Together, Insecurity, Kind of a slow build, M/M, Orgasm Delay, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint, Phil Coulson is trying very hard to be a good man, Pining, Pre-Avengers (2012), Unrequited, Until it isn't, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 05:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3435065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twangcat/pseuds/twangcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil has been watching Clint for years, but he knows he can't have what he wants so he keeps his distance. Whatever else he might accomplish in life, he is determined to be the one person who never betrayed Clint Barton’s trust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mission - Coulson POV

**Author's Note:**

> I love Clint/Coulson and these sweet lovable men who never seem to realize they love each other until it's almost too late.  
> This is my first fic and it hasn't been beta'd so any edits or constructive feedback or comments are very welcome. Thank you!

Coulson strode into Fury’s office with a new mission plan. “Sir, the HYDRA situation in Milan is escalating, but if our intel is right, they are going to give us an opportunity to cut off more than one head from this monster next month.”

“Talk to me Coulson.”

“They are working on some major R&D to develop invisibility tech that would put the reflectors on the Helicarrier to shame. Not only perfectly invisible to the naked eye, but also to radar and sonar technology. It’s basically a Star Trek cloaking device. If this works the way they say it does, the only way we’ll know something is there is if we physically touch it. It’s supposed to be powerful enough to shield something the size of the helicarrier and flexible enough that a person could wear it.”

“Fuck this shit Coulson! Who the hell do they have on staff that can build something like that and why the fuck didn't we recruit them first?”

“That sir, is one of the things we need to find out.”

“What's the plan?”

“Security is going to be tight on this one. A small infiltration is the best way to go. I suggest Strike Team Delta. Romanov goes in undercover with Barton as back up using their Russian mafia aliases. They are going to have to go silent on this one; there is no way we can guarantee comms being undetectable inside their compound. HYDRA isn’t going to expect us to ignore this so I also suggest sending in Strike Team Echo with the purpose of being caught to take some of the heat off Delta.”

“What’s the extraction strategy?”

“We’ll be able to equip Echo with comms and the usual equipment. In the unlikely event that HYDRA manages to capture them, reinforcements will be available to intercept and pick them up. Based on available intel and knowledge of HYDRA’s operating procedure, I predict a +95% chance they will escape unharmed.”

Nick leveled a glare at Coulson that very singularly reinforced why the Director is always called ‘Fury’. He growled, “That’s not the question I was asking and you bloody well know it Coulson.”

For the first time since Coulson had entered the room there was a pause in the rapid fire dialogue that characterized his planning sessions with the Director and the silence rang in his ears was louder than either of them would be shouting. 

Noticeable though it was, the pause was just a heartbeat and then Coulson fired back just as if the pause had never happened and it was still business as usual. “Sir, Strike Team Delta will be going in deep cover and going in dark. We will not have enough information to formulate an extraction plan for them ahead of time. I will have an extraction team on standby which I will personally lead if they are late checking in; but, we both know if they are late checking in there probably won’t be much left for us to recover. Romanov and Barton are the best, they often go in without extraction plans, this is a mission that needs to happen and they are the best ones to pull it off.”

Nick seemed to deflate as he leaned back in his chair and his voice sounded hollow as he asked “Cheese, can we not do this tonight?” Coulson stilled and really looked at his best friend; he took in the sag in his shoulders, his one eye (bloodshot with exhaustion), and the stress lines across his brow.

Phil gentled his voice, “Sure Marcus. How about we both take off early tonight. Pizza at my place for dinner?”

“I’m supposed to debrief Romanov at 2200.”

“Reschedule.”

Fury used his one eyebrow with great effect to convey both how obscenely full his calendar was and how unusual it was for Coulson to tell him what to do.

Phil double checked his phone to ensure that Romanov’s calendar hadn't been updated since he last looked at it and compared it with Fury’s. “Sir, if your biggest objection to taking a night off is that you don’t want to miss having a meeting with Natasha, then” Coulson allowed himself a small smirk, “need I remind you that you hired me because I can make bureaucratic problems like that go away?”

“Phil, I did not hire you to be a fucking administrator; and, even if I did, if my secretary can barely manage to schedule one monthly meeting between me and Romanov, what the hell makes you think you can do better?”

Phil gave him the blandest of smiles, took out his phone and said, “Pack up your bag Marcus, we both need a night off.” Then he sat and hmmed and haaaed to himself for a few minutes as he clicked through his phone before looking back up at Nick and saying “I can take your meeting with Sitwell tomorrow at 0900 if I switch the new recruit self defense training with the ethics training at 1400 and the ethics professor’s will be free if I move their meeting with legal to tomorrow afternoon. Romanov did have training scheduled for 0900, but I've moved that to 1100. She had a meeting at 1100, but I know what that meeting is about and I can represent her if I move it to my office and talk to them while I’m on a teleconference with the Brazilian office. So you can have a full hour with Romanov to debrief, and for once it will be when you’re both going to be fully awake enough to enjoy it.”

Nick chucked “Fuck Coulson, why aren't you my secretary?”

Phil relaxed a little and laughed, “You don’t pay me enough to put up with you every day. Sir.”

“If I could just clone you I wouldn't need half the fucking people in this office and everything would move twice as fast.”

“How is the cloning project coming?

“Bullshit. It’s been what? A decade since civilians cloned a sheep? But there is something about the higher brain functions that aren't working.”

“What about the life model decoys?”

“Their shelf life is fucking ridiculous. I’m not going to spend hundreds of millions of dollars for an LMD that starts disintegrating after a week.”

They continued to casually banter about work, government conspiracies and upcoming SHIELD projects as they left the office and all the way back to Phil’s off-base apartment; and Phil waited until they were both several beers into the night before ‘subtly’ bringing the conversation back to what was worrying him.

“So Marcus, what’s up with the monthly meetings with Romanov? You don’t debrief any other specialists and” he held up his hand to forestall predictable objections, “don’t try and tell me it’s about needing to know she’s loyal because I know you trust her.”

“Fuck Cheese.” Nick slowly blew all his breath out through his teeth. “When it started it was about her loyalty. The way she came in, her relationship with Barton, it was all suspicious and I knew I couldn't trust you to be objective where Barton was concerned.”

 _He couldn't trust me?_ The words rang in Coulson’s head and hurt a little bit more every time they echoed in his thoughts. Phil was so offended he wanted to lash out and explode, but because he was Agent Phil Coulson, he kept the explosion contained to a very terse: “What the fuck Marcus? You didn't trust my judgement?”

Nick’s gave a brittle laugh, “Phil you are a by-the-book guy who only breaks the rules when there is a good reason. It makes you motherfucking good Agent/Handler/Secretary and whatever the fuck else I pay you for, but when it comes to Barton you think every reason he gives is a good reason. So yes motherfucker, I have fucking reason to doubt your judgement when it comes to Barton.”

Phil’s brain felt like it was buzzing _I’m not objective! How dare you Marcus?_ Hundreds of justifications and explanations ran through his head, but in the end all he said was “He’s a good agent.”

“Damn right he’s a good agent. And he’s the best fucking sniper in the world. But for whatever reason, my one good eye has a blind spot for him, so yes, I wanted to check up on Romanov myself.”

Phil compartmentalized; the debate about his objectivity, or lack there of, could wait and he could recognize a distraction tactic when he saw one. He went back on the attack, “But that was two years ago.” Nick flinched and Phil knew he had the upper hand again; it wasn't a coup-de-gras, but it was a solid hit.

“She’s… She’s just… She’s different Cheese. She’s so hard, at first I thought nothing could break her, then I thought she was so hard she might be brittle and on the edge of breaking, but she’s also soft. She loves ballet. Did you know that? The Red Room trained her to use her body as a weapon and a tool of seduction and dancing was part of that. She’s skilled enough to perform with the best dance company in the world and what they did to her was unforgivable. But she still loves ballet. She goes to see the best performances in New York and... I saw her once, she was practicing in a room all by herself and she looked so exquisitely… so exquisitely human. She didn't know I was there but I've never been able to forget that image.”

Phil whistled “Marcus my friend, you've got it bad.” Nick’s head whipped up and he pinned him with a stare. Phil, still holding his beer, raised his hands in surrender. “And if you think she didn't know you were watching you’re a bigger fool than I've ever taken you for.”

“Fuck” It was both an exclamation of shock, a curse of a frustration, and an accurate description the situation he was in. “Do you...”

“Yes.” Phil cut him off. “Yes, I think the Black Widow has picked up on the fact that you are head over heels in love with her.”

“You want to send her into yet another a high risk mission with no extraction plan.”

“Because it’s what she does,” said Phil calmly.

“How do you do it with Barton?” asked Nick very abruptly. 

Phil flinched and looked away. “I do what needs to be done. He’s an asset and he always knows the risks.”

Nick’s voice was uncharacteristically gentle, “You don’t treat him like any other asset.”

“I do,” replied Phil defensively. 

“No Cheese, you don’t. Every other asset has multiple handlers, every other asset follows basic protocol rules, no other asset flirts with you over the comms.” Nick took a swig of beer and peered back at Phil. “He does know those fucking things are recorded and reviewed by HQ right? 

“Barton’s needs special handling. You said that when you assigned him to me boss.”

“I said that eight fucking years ago Cheese. I think he’s graduated from baby agent status by now.”

“And he doesn't flirt. He’s just blowing off steam,” defended Phil. “Being a sniper can be dull work, every specialist has their own way of coping, his just happens to be more… provocative than most.”

“You know there are no fraternization rules Cheese. You could ask him out.”

Phil sighed. “No, I really couldn't. I know what he wants from me, and it’s not another pervy old man taking advantage of him. Contrary to what you might think” he gave Nick a wry look, “I did not trust the Black Widow just because Barton brought her in and I had extra surveillance installed in her rooms.” He gave a self-deprecating smile, “Granted, she managed to find and disable all of the ones her room, but neither she nor Hawkeye noticed the one I slipped into his pocket, so I got excellent intel on Barton’s opinions of SHIELD and of me.” Coulson continued in a terrible imitation of Barton “ ‘Coulson’s like the best Dad you could ever ask for Tasha. He’s like I donno, Santa and a sitcom Dad and kindly Grandfather all wrapped in a competent package that would do anything to keep his team safe. I know he’s not much to look at, but he’ll grow on you if you give him a chance. Please Nat?’”

“Like a mother fucking Dad? He really said that?”

Phil looked down at his beer, “I still have that recording. I wish I could forget that speech. Oh God how I wish he didn't think that, but it’s good that I know. I know what he wants from me and I can give him that.”

“Fuck Cheese, we have got to get you laid.”


	2. Clint goes undercover - Alternating POVs

Two weeks later Hawkeye and Black Widow were briefed and ready to infiltrate the HYDRA base in Milan.

Mission objectives in order of priority were: discover who HYDRA’s new resident genius is, recruit if possible, eliminate if not; and steal the cloaking technology.

Natasha was dressed to kill the way only sex on legs can. A slinky black dress (with a slit so high up the thigh it was very combat friendly) and plunging neckline (sensual enough in Clint’s opinion to distract even a gay man) were complemented by the assassin friendly stiletto heels (which concealed actual stilettos), and a collection of weaponizable jewelry that had at one time been her stock in trade.

Clint gave a wolf whistle. “It’s not fair Tasha that you can look so good in both combat fatigues and dressed up fancy.” He leered towards her, “If I didn't think it would be taking my life into my own hands I’d have to offer to help take you out of that getup after we’re done with this.”

Natasha smiled and tutted, “Now, now. None of that. Besides, you clean up pretty good yourself.”

Clint tugged irritably at his shirt collar and whined, “I hate wearing suits Nat.”

“You may hate wearing suits, but my bodyguard ‘Boris’ wears them like a second skin; like Coulson does. And you look almost as good in them as he does.”

Clint gave Natasha one last friendly scowl and grumbled, “I kinda hate you Nat.” before closing his eyes and focusing himself on becoming Boris, the high class, highly dangerous personal bodyguard of Tatyana, the one of the fiercest negotiators tied to the Russian mafia. The Black Widow was a subtle kind of dangerous, like a hot curry that slowly burns after you enjoy the first taste. Tatyana was all the burn without the wait; she was more ‘in your face’ Black Widow than the Black Widow was, which made her terrifying in her own right, but not in the same class as the real thing.

Clint opened his eyes and his stance was a more aggressive kind of confident and he looked like he took up more space than he had a few moments ago. He walked without the grace of Hawkeye but also with more presence; Boris was a man people noticed when he walked into the room. His voice was a shade deeper and his Russian accent light. “The car will be here shortly Tatyana.”

Tatyana’s Russian accent was sharper, “We are ready Boris. Let us see if HYDRA really has everything they are promising. Last time was such a disappointment.” 

Getting in was simple. Their credentials easily passed and in the distance Clint recognized Strike Team Echo getting pulled aside at the planned location. _Dance little HYDRA goons dance!_ and he pictured everyone as little chess pieces being moved across the board by Coulson who was playing both sides. It was a comforting image and he let his added confidence show through as Boris guided Tatyana deep into the belly of HYDRA.

They were ushered into an auditorium which was set up with private boxes for each guest and a video feed streaming to the select guests who were attending remotely. The HYDRA goon in charge of the show reminded Clint of a used car salesman, all show and pomp but not much underneath. Clint tried to follow the presentation, but the science quickly got too technical and instead he focused on watching everyone else, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

“And that concludes the technical presentation. I know, I know” the host grinned a bad Hollywood smile with too many teeth and joyless dead eyes, “you all want the details, but what kind of auction would it be if there could be more than one winner?” _scratch that, he’s worse than used car salesman, he’s a circus ringmaster._ “The team of scientists will be available to meet with all of you over lunch and offer each of you a private thirty minute tour. If you will all follow me to the adjoining room?”

Clint watched Natasha carefully. If anyone was going to make a move against her it would be now. Natasha glided to the front of the room and entered the adjoining room first; but, while heading purposefully in the direction of the lead scientist, she stumbled on her high heels and one of the junior scientists was forced to catch her while the other guests got in line ahead of her to speak with the more senior staff. The junior scientist was surprisingly muscular with a bad haircut and bright green eyes. Clint stationed himself away from the crowd and took note of the young man but keeps his attention visibly focused on the bigger fish in the room. Tatyana made a show of feeling obligated to chat with the junior scientist for a few minutes before excusing herself to join Boris and whisper harshly in her trademark Russian accent, “Damn that young genius, he wouldn't know what to do with a woman if one fell into his lap” She gave him a very pointed look, “probably because he would not have any interest in her. Now I am going to have to wait at least ten minutes before the ‘lead’ scientist has time to give me a tour. I think I will be able to get everything we need on the tour.” _Okay, a ten minute wait and a thirty minute tour; I have forty minutes until the Widow is ready to go and one gay scientist to charm. I can do this._ Clint nodded in agreement, picked up two glasses of water from the buffet and walked over to the ‘junior’ scientist.

************************************

 

“Coulson! We've got a live feed,” said Jasper Sitwell.

“Good, lets get it up on the screen. I want all angles and separate focus screens zoomed in on Romanov and Barton. Jennings, work on identifying all the players in the room and I want contingency plans for our contingency plans on possible evac strategies; Sitwell, I want more camera angles, see if you can use this feed to get into their internal security.”

Coulson evaluated the scene: Romanov was competing with two other guests for the attention of an older man wearing a lab coat, although ‘competing’ was perhaps overstating things. The man’s doe eyes were clearly locked on Romanov and he looked ready to follow her out of that room as soon as she snapped her fingers. Barton was talking to a very attractive young man in a lab coat, barely 18 unless Coulson missed his mark.

“Jennings, do we have IDs on the people talking to Romanov and Barton?”

“The older man is Martin Matthews. PhD in quantum mechanics, but HQ says there is no way he’s the brains behind this project. The young man doesn't show up in any of databases or facial recognition software, intel is working on it. He’s been given the temporary code name Adonis.”

Sitwell's guffaw escaped before he could hold it in. “Really Jennings, Adonis?”

Jennings addressed herself to Coulson, “Sir. If I say Adonis, and everyone knows I don’t mean Barton, with that mystery man’s jaw line and shoulders, no one will need to read a briefing packet to know who the target is. In a room with that many unknowns I thought it would be better than using the generic code-names. ”

Coulson relaxed a little, Maria had recommended Jennings and it was clear there was a good reason for it. “Good thinking Jennings. After this op I want a proposal write up from you about revising how temporary code-names are created for targets.”

**********************************************

 

Clint approached the young scientist holding two glasses of water and offered one to him. “My boss, she can be a little harsh. I hope she was not too hard on you?” The young man looked Clint in the eye and it wasn't a stretch for Clint to pretend to catch his breath -- the man’s eyes were stunning, like bright green gems that sparkle in the sunlight. He reached out to shake the man’s hand. “I’m Boris, Boris Kilmer.” Clint purposely held the handshake a heartbeat too long before slowly letting the younger man’s hand side out of his.

“I’m Nathan Vince. It’s nice to meet you. I’m a junior scientist on the team,” he blushed a little and lowered his voice, “but I actually designed the miniaturization delivery system.”

Clint kept direct eye contact and gave Nathan a very warm smile “I didn't understand all the science, but it sounded like that was one of the most important pieces to this project’s success. If you’re willing,” he let his smile get a little predatory, “I’d like to see more… of your work.”

Nathan’s eyes dilated a little and he sounded a little breathless as he said, “Only the senior scientists are supposed to give the tours.”

 _Christ in a bucket, this kid is gayer than a fruit basket and a virgin. Holy hell. Damn it! Okay. Change of plans Barton._ Clint softened his voice so it was warm and welcoming, less like a sexual predator and more like an old lover’s, “I’m sure that’s just true of the important people, I’m just a small fish in the pond, I’m sure you could show me around just a little.” Clint licked his lips and gave the boy an encouraging smile, “Perhaps you could show me your office?”

Nathan’s hand made an aborted movement to reach out towards Clint. “Umm, yeah sure. Follow me.”

Nathan led him down empty hallways where the only sound was their shoes clicking on the floor tiles and each of them breathing in and out. Clint let his hand occasionally brush up against Nathan’s while the silence went on and the tension built.

Nathan opened the door to a small windowless office that was little more than a broom closet. With the majority of the space taken up by the computer table and the drafting table, they were forced to stand almost pressed up against each other.

***************************

 

“Sitwell,” Coulson snapped “Tell me we have eyes in there.”

“Eyes and ears sir,” responded Sitwell.

“Ears?”

“Yes sir,” Sitwell sounded a little puzzled. “This room has more surveillance than any other office.”

“Okay, let’s hear it. And start a recording. Whatever he’s doing, when Barton makes his move I want to be able to loop the video feed so anyone watching won’t notice anything unusual happening.”

*****************************************

 

Nathan pulled out a blueprint diagram and started talking through an overview of how the miniaturization process worked. As he talked he became more confident and hesitated less. When he finished he looked up at Clint, eyes shining with excitement.

Clint kept his voice warm and soft, careful not to frighten the boy, “Beautiful and brilliant.” he hesitantly reached out to stroke Nathan’s face “How did you end up here?”

“My Pa sent me here last year.” He tentatively reached out a hand to touch Clint’s cheek and return the caress. “When I was 14 I kissed the boy next door. My Pa said the devil made me do it and I was home-schooled after that. He got sick last year and sent me here to work for his friends.” He hesitated, “They are usually very careful about who I spend time with.” His hand drifted down Clint’s cheek, brushing his fingers across his lips while he said, “Have you ever kissed a man?”

Clint’s tongue darted out to taste the boy’s fingers on his lips and he chuckled softly. “Oh yes. Would you like me to show you?”

Wordlessly, like he was in a dream, the boy nodded.

Clint used both hands to gently cup the boy’s face and slowly draw him close. He started chaste, a soft press of his lips to the boy’s. Nathan’s eyes went wide and Clint purposely closed his in a sign of trust. He pressed their lips together again, more firmly this time and licked at the seam of his lips. Nathan opened his mouth and Clint kept up the slow warm pressure, his tongue swirling around the other man’s, their lips pressing firmly against each other’s and all the while Clint kept his hands on the boy’s face, alternately cupping and stroking his face, making sure he felt safe and cherished.

Breathlessly Nathan broke away. “Wow.”

Clint chuckled warmly and released the boy’s face, giving him what little space he could in this small room. The boy’s pleasure and enthusiasm was a little contagious.

“Have you done other things too?

Clint made his gentle laughter sound a little breathless this time, “Yes, but we don’t have the time, the space, or the supplies here for me to show you those.”

“Please, can you tell me? Please, tell me what it’s like,” he begged.

Clint subtly checked his watch. _Thirty minutes to get this guy on board. Convince him gay sex is awesome and SHIELD wins. Great. I can do this. Thank goodness this is a dark op. No way I could get through this with Coulson in my ear._ Clint’s cock gave a small twitch at the thought. _Explicitly explaining why gay sex is awesome to the straitlaced unflappable Agent Coulson. God that would be hot._ Clint shrugged off the strange thought and focused on the target in front of him.

“Well, there’s all the stuff you could do with girls.” Clint gave him another slow kiss, and then started to nibble along his jawline. 

“There’s kissing and necking” Clint mouthed at his earlobe before giving it a gentle nip. He licked down his neck and then blew across it softly just to give the boy goosebumps before kissing down that strip again.

“That’s first base. Then there’s touching other places. A lot of people think nipples are just fun for girls, but I love having my nipples played with, they can be so sensitive.” He reached out and brushed the boy’s nipples through his shirt, and was delighted to hear the boy gasp. Clint undid the boy’s shirt and bared his chest. He was a gorgeous looking young man with a well muscled chest and little less hair than Clint liked on his men, but mouthwateringly attractive nonetheless. _This is going to be easy._ Clint brushed his fingers across Nathan’s right nipple and lapped gently at the left one. Nathan gasped and his hands gripped tightly at the desk behind him. Clint rubbed his fingers together to pebble the right nipple while he gently nipped at the other one. Clint switched sides and sucked on the right nipple and let his fingers gently teased the other. Nathan whimpered and his hips instinctively jerked forward a bit even though there was nothing there for him to rub against. Clint stepped back and his fingers slowly trailed down the boy’s well muscled chest and abdomen to brush across the skin just above of his pants. 

“There’s blow jobs which is third base. I get so turned on by the feel of a cock in my mouth. Not just because of the way the other guy looks at me, like I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him, but also because it’s fun. I can lick it like popsicle, or suck on it like a lollipop. I love to run my tongue up and the down the bottom of their cock, slowly teasing that sensitive spot just below the head before I take it all in. Then I swirl my tongue around the head... and so much can happen from there. Sometimes the man will put his hands on the back of my head and just fuck my face, thrusting into me while I lick as much of his cock as I can, or sometimes I’ll suck on his cock so hard it feels like a vacuum he can’t escape and I use my tongue to lick it all around while he goes crazy moaning above me.” Nathan’s cock was visibly straining so hard against his pants it had to be painful, but he just stood there, hands with a white knuckle grip on the desk behind him, hips unconsciously thrusting forward and back, gaze hungry and locked on Clint.

“It’s okay; you can take your cock out.” Clint gave him an encouraging smile. “I’d like to see you stroke it, but don’t go too fast, I want to finish telling you about what sex is like.”

Nathan’s hands shook as he fumbled with the clasp on his pants before his cock burst free of his boxers. Nathan never took his eyes off Clint’s face.

“I like sex with both guys and girls, but with guys it’s more fun because there are two kinds of sex, you can either be a top or a bottom.” _Which one is he? I have no idea. Hell, I doubt he knows. When in doubt, go with honesty, Coulson always says it makes a more believable lie._ “I enjoy both, but with the right guy, I love being on the bottom. Sex is harder with guys than girls. We need to prepare with lube and stretching, but that can be fun too. I get so turned on when a guy takes his time getting me ready. Fingers, wet with lube, slowly circling my asshole, and then that first push in. It’s tight so my ass almost sucks their finger in and it takes us both a moment to get used to it.” _Damn I’m hard!_ Clint palmed his own cock through his pants to give himself the relief of some sensation. _Gotta keep your head in the game Barton._ He kept his eyes locked on Nathan’s. “Then he’ll put a second finger in me and I start to feel full, but I want more. A man with strong fingers is the best. He’ll use his two fingers to scissor me open and by that point I’m so desperate I’m thrusting back onto his hand moaning and begging for more. Nathan was starting to pump his cock fast and close his eyes

Clint reached out and stilled the boy’s arm, “Whoa there man. Slow down, you don’t want to finish before I finish my story.” Nathan was at a loss for words but he whimpered and went back to slow touches up and down his penis -- eyes locked on Clint with a hungry fierceness that would be frightening if Clint didn't feel so in control of the situation.

“The best part is when their fingers hit the magic button inside my ass. Oh man. I see stars. I scream. I’m just begging for more and it’s hard for me to describe, but when you feel it you’re going to love it.” Nathan whimpered and his fingers started to speed up again.

“Then when the man finally puts his cock in me, that’s the best part. I feel so fulfilled. It’s like the first bite of the best meal of my life, every time, and I just want more. And then he is fucking me and it feels so good. My ass just pulls him in and the tightness is hot and he’ll start moaning as he’s thrusting in and out, and then he’ll reach around and touch my cock and then he’s fucking me and I’m fucking his hand.” Clint reached out and put his hand over Nathan’s as Nathan fucked his own fist. “And then when I cum, it’s the best part and the stars start all over again and it feels like they are never going to stop and I clamp down so hard on his cock that he starts coming inside me and that feels just as good.”

Nathan bit down on his own fist to stifle his cry as he came with Clint and his own hand wrapped around his cock. Clint was ready with tissues to catch the mess and slowly stroked Nathan through it as he caught his breath.

“So yeah, there’s a lot more too it, but that’s what I think gay sex is like.” He reached out and rubbed circles on Nathan’s back. “I don’t know what your Pa was like or why he sent you here, but the people I work for, they don’t care about stuff like who we want to have sex with. As long as we do good work and work hard, it’s a safe place to be.” Clint buttoned up Nathan’s pants and helped put the boy into some kind of order. _Five minutes left. I can do this._ “Would you like to leave here and come meet the people I work with?”

Nathan looked up at Clint like a boy meeting his personal hero for the first time. “Yes. Please.”

From there it was easy. Clint met back up with Natasha, shared looks to confirm all objectives had been met. Slipped out a back exit with Nathan in tow before any alarm could be raised. They handily disabled the few guards who got in their way and they were strolling down the Boulevard ten minutes later. The action took care of any distracting libido urges and overall it was feeling like a good day. _Natasha is going to kill herself laughing when I tell her how this all went down!_

It was a hot day so they bought gelato while they walked. Lemon ice for Nathan who had never tried it before, raspberry for Natasha, and espresso for Clint. He liked coffee flavored things, they always reminded him of Coulson.

**************************************************************** 

 

Back in the van, Sitwell was the first to speak and even his voice sounded strained “I think I might need to ask my wife how she feels about me sleeping with other men, because damn but Barton made that sound hella hot.” He tried to force a laugh as he reached up to pull at his shirt collar around his neck and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Jennings was holding it together but her cheeks were unusually flushed. “Sir. We looped the feed as requested, I don’t think HYDRA has noticed anything suspicious. With your permission I’d like to classify this mission recording as authorized eyes only. I don’t know Barton personally but he’s a good agent and I doubt he’d like this getting around.”

Coulson was so hard he thought if he shifted his position too fast he might cum in his pants. Barton’s husky voice echoing in his head _“I love to run my tongue up and the down the bottom of their cock, slowly teasing that sensitive spot just below the head before I take it all in.” “I love having my nipples played with, they can be so sensitive” “With the right guy, I love being on the bottom.” “I get so turned on when a guy takes his time getting me ready.”_ Phil could feel his cock throbbing with every beat of his heart. _Oh Christ almighty this is so fucking unfair._ Phil felt so frustrated he couldn't think straight. But he was still on a mission and people were depending on him; remembering that gave him the strength to snap out of it. He compartmentalized.

His voice was not steady when he spoke, but it was the best he could do. “Thank you Jennings, yes. What happened here today, never leaves this van. Any questions about this op, direct them to me. As far as anyone outside the three of us, the Director and the Assistant Director will be concerned, we never succeeded in hacking their internal surveillance. Am I understood?”

His voice was strong by the end of it and the chorus of “Yes Sir.” reassured him about his plan. He was still throbbing hard, but he wasn't about to cum in his pants and he could compartmentalize until he had some time away from work.

One hour later, Coulson’s van team arrived at the prearranged safe house to pick up Natasha, Clint and Nathan.

Nathan was still gazing at Clint like he hung the moon and Coulson ignored the raging jealousy that spiked through him at the sight while simultaneously giving him the friendly welcome wagon speech. He also successfully pretended that the urge to shove Clint against the wall and plunder his mouth with his tongue, to run his hands all over Clint’s body and lick every muscle, or just grind up against him for the single minute it would take him to cum, was not overwhelming almost all of his higher brain processes. _Nick’s right, I need to get this under control before I betray Barton’s trust._ And that was a cold water thought that got him through the next few hours -- Coulson would never betray Barton’s trust.

Coulson spent the flight back to New York focused on his paperwork, ordered debriefs for the next morning and went home early. He was barely inside his apartment with the locks on before he was stripping out of his clothes and taking himself in hand. _“I love having my nipples played with, they can be so sensitive.”_ He came faster than he had since he was a teenager and saw stars so bright he thought he might have blacked out. He took a shower before bed _“I love to run my tongue up and the down the bottom of their cock, slowly teasing that sensitive spot just below the head before I take it all in.”_ And lying in bed trying to fall asleep he felt his cock twitching again, _“With the right guy, I love being on the bottom.” “I get so turned on when a guy takes his time getting me ready.”_ Cumming for a third time in one night hurt and he was almost dry, but the next morning he was hard again and he played the whole scene over again in his head before he came. _How am I going to look Barton in the eye today?_

Showered, shaved, and one cup of coffee later, Coulson dressed in his favorite grey Dolce and Gabbana suit with a subtle blue pinstripe. Pepper had told him once it that the suit brought out his eyes and made him look less like an Agent. _This is just a normal day._ He usually wore it on date nights, not that there had been a lot of those lately. _It is going to be awkward, but we are both professionals._ He straightened his tie and checked his cuff links. _I can control the situation. Keep the conversation direct and to the point. Offer a personal story of similar embarrassment to even the playing field. Make sure he doesn't feel targeted._ He left for the office at precisely 0530 looking the epitome of a SHIELD Agent. _Maybe we’ll go out for lunch afterwards. Barton likes the Thai place around the corner. It can be an apology lunch and I can claim it on this month’s expenses as a working lunch._


	3. After the Mission - Clint POV

Clint swaggered into Coulson’s office at 0700, full hour before the debrief was scheduled to start and flopped himself down on Coulson’s couch to stretch out. _Good op means good debrief, and sixty minutes early means sixty minutes of stress free Coulson time. It’s going to be a good day._

“So how’s the Nathan kid settling in?” Clint asked.

Coulson stopped typing. “Barton, there is something you need to know about yesterday’s op.” _Oh crap, we got the wrong guy! Natasha is going to be so pissed. She was sure the kid was the brains behind the operation._ Coulson looked Barton directly in the eye. _Why are his eyes more blue today than usual? Usually they are more of an ocean blue, today they look more sky blue. Coulson has beautiful eyes._ “Barton, on yesterday’s op they were live streaming to some remote based participants.” Clint nodded, this was not news. “We were able to hack into the live feed and reverse engineer access to their internal security system.” Clint’s gut started to get an uncomfortable twisty feeling. “We think they weren't very confident in Nathan’s loyalty so his office had especially comprehensive security.” _This is like a movie where you know the train wreck is coming and there is nothing you can do to stop it._ “We had live audio and video surveillance in the van. The good news is we were able to cut and loop the video so no one at HYDRA witnessed your recruitment technique and the report has also been secured as authorized eyes only so it won’t become gossip at the water cooler.” Clint looked away and the silence dragged on. Coulson’s tone was both placating and amused: “If it helps, I think you may have forced Sitwel to reconsider his strictly heterosexual orientation?”

Clint laughed, because what else was he going to do? “What about you Sir? Are you still all about the ladies or do you want to take a walk on the wild side and see how the other half live?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and started to relax. This was normal, this was Barton flirting with Coulson over the comms just to get a reaction, he could do this.

Coulson barked a laugh “Barton if you managed to make me more gay than I was the day I was born I think they’d need to invent a new term for it.” 

_Coulson’s gay? Holy shit on a stick batman, Agent Phil Coulson is gay!_

_Coulson is gay and he listened to me describe everything I love about gay sex yesterday._

_Coulson’s gay AND I've been pretending to flirt with him for years._

_I've been flirting with Coulson for years and he’s never responded._

Clint could feel his face going from obvious amusement, to stunned blankness, to his default scowling resting face. 

_Coulson really does think of me as just another agent._

Clint stood up. “Is there anything else to debrief on Sir?”

“No Agent, that’s fine. Please submit your written report within 24 hours. Details of your recruitment technique are not required.”

“Thank you Sir.” Clint turned on his heel and left before the disappointment could hit too hard.

Before he was fully out the office he had his phone out to text Nat, but he had no idea what to say; it was too complex a feeling to put in a text message. So he sent “Life’s not fair :(“

Nat responded almost immediately “The sun rose in the east today”

“ur not funny Nat.”

“You’re not stupid Barton”

“Had my debrief w Coulson”

“He make you do your own paperwork?”

“y werent u there?”

“Getting my debrief from Nick at 10. Should I be worried?”

“no. just a crappy debrief. call me after urs”


	4. After the Mission - Nick POV

Ten minutes later Phil was sitting in Nick’s office staring mournfully at a cup of coffee.

“I told him I was gay Marcus and he stormed out of my office.” Phil put his head in his hands. “It literally could not have gone worse.”

“Cheese, are you fucking telling me that all these years and you've never mentioned to the man you were lusting over that you were gay?”

“He knew about the cellist” muttered Phil. “I know he did because I don’t even remember how many times I tried to explain to him that his last-minute badly filled out paperwork was interfering with my dates with Jamie.”

“Jamie,” said Nick in a very flat voice.

Phil was confused, “Yes. You remember Jamie. Big guy, blue eyes and black hair like Bucky Barnes. Worked for the feds. You met him Nick, why are you looking at me like that?”

“Did Barton meet him?”

“No” scoffed Phil. “Why would I introduce one of my assets to my boyfriend? But you’re supposed to be my best friend, I would expect you to remember him, it wasn't that long ago.”

“Jamie could have been girl’s name you fucking moron. And the first undercover op you were on with Barton had you seducing a woman.”

“... fuck. Barton thought I was straight all these years?”

Nick started to laugh “You were the gayest man in the army in the ‘90s and now that they repealed DADT the great flamer is passing for straight.”

Phil tried to keep a straight face and groused, “It’s not funny Marcus.”

Nick could barely talk through his laughter. “It’s fucking hilarious Cheese!”

“He thought I was straight” and then Phil was laughing too. “Wouldn't that make my mother laugh.”

Nick adopted a mock solemnity tone, “Your mother is a great woman. I’ll not hear you speak a word against her in my presence.”

“You’re just scared if I ever managed to keep a man in my life you’ll stop being invited over for Christmas dinner.”

“And Thanksgiving dinner. You mother’s stuffing is why I protect the free world.” Nick nodded sagely. “Don’t worry too much about Barton, Cheese. He’ll calm down.”

“I’ll just keep my distance. As long as he doesn't feel threatened I think it’ll wear off.”

“I’m debriefing Romanov at 1000. I’ll lay the groundwork for her to smooth things over with Barton. Now go on, get out.”

Phil stood to leave. “You want time to fix your hair Marcus?”

“I want time to get some actual work done this morning.” Nick tried to put some Director strength wrath into the statement, but he and Phil had been friends too long for it to have much impact.

“Try talking to her about something other than the mission Marcus. She wouldn't have let you see her dance if she didn't want to.”

“Trying to get inside the Black Widow’s head is a dangerous plan Cheese. Are you sure you want to try?”

“I trust her and I trust you. Besides,” he gave a rueful shrug, “it can’t possibly go worse than my debrief with Barton.”

“You just had to say it didn't you Cheese.”

Teasing tone gone, he said “We make our own luck Director, always have, always will.”

Fury shut the door firmly behind his friend and strode back to his desk. _Meddlesome fool. I have thirteen countries in danger of imminent collapse and Cheese wants me to spend time thinking about the way Romanov dances._ Nick got to work consulting experts and assessing strategies. 

By the time he opened the door to welcome Romanov in, he was relatively confident that the plan he’d authorized would prop up the French government long enough for them to recover from the recent terrorist attack without allowing the more radical elements to take hold and turn it into a terrorist hotspot in the heart of Europe.

Fury quickly brought Romanov up to speed about the op and Coulson’s debrief with Barton.

Natasha remained calm throughout and simply said, “I can see how that would make Barton uncomfortable.”

“Did you and Barton know Coulson was gay?”

“I chose to respect his privacy.”

“That’s not an answer Agent.” Fury scowled.

“Yes, I knew he was interested in men.”

“Did Barton?”

“I don’t believe so. We never discussed it.”

“There is no fucking way Barton is homophobic, so what the hell happened today Romanov?”

Natasha eyed him carefully before slowly saying, “Barton has trust issues.”

Fury barked a laugh 

Natasha glared at him, “You've read his file Sir. His sexual experiences with men in positions of authority have been abusive.” _And what about you Romanov? All the men in your life before SHIELD were abusive._

“But Barton flirts. He flirts with Coulson, all the damn time on ops. He flirts with everything that moves!” Nick threw his hands up in exasperation. “He tried to flirt with me once!” 

Natasha got a gleam in her eye, like she had spotted her target and was going in for the kill, “And what did you do Sir?”

“I told him if he leered at me like that again I’d take one of his fucking eyes to replace my bad one.”

Natasha nodded, “Barton likes to test. He likes to know how far he can push someone before they’ll... push back.” _He flirts and flaunts so he can find out how far he can push someone before they’ll attack him? That’s fucked up._

Natasha continued, “The closer he is to someone, the more important it is to him to know where that line is.”

“Is he going to be able to work with Coulson now that he knows he’s gay?”

Natasha relaxed a little in her chair and gave Nick a small smile, “I think the flirting is going to become unbearable.” _Poor fucking Coulson_

“Coulson said he seemed pretty upset after their debrief.” Nick said cautiously. 

“I’ll take him off base today sir. A little time away from SHIELD and Coulson to gain some perspective.” She gave Nick a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry Director, he’ll be fine.” Nick felt himself let go of the stress. _I really do trust her to make this right. Well fuck me. Now whose objectivity is fucking impaired?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *in my head cannon Phil doesn't so much have a crush on Captain America as he wants to be Captain America, ergo he must have had a comic book crush on Bucky Barnes right?


	5. Clint Shoots Things - Clint POV

Clint didn't remember walking down to the range and setting up the targets, but he woke up to see a target bristling with dozens of arrows, each one perfectly shot so that their fletchings weren't touching.

Clint recalled the target, reclaimed his arrows, refilled his quiver, and replaced the target.

The way his arms burned he must have been down here shooting for hours. He started again.

Nock. _I am Hawkeye_  
Pull. _I am the greatest marksman_  
Release. _I never miss_

Determined not to let physical weakness get in his way he pushed through the pain. If Coulson doesn't want me around for me, he’s damn well going to want me around to shoot things.

Nock. _I am Hawkeye_  
Pull. _I am the greatest marksman_  
Release. _I never miss_

The burn in his arms hurt. Each movement became an act of will, consciously forcing his arm to grab the arrow, holding still through the acidic burn he lined up the perfect shot, holding the pull for an extra second just to prove he could withstand the pain, and then the release and a second to breathe before he started it all over again.

Nock. _I am Hawkeye_  
Pull. _I am the greatest marksman_  
Release. _I never miss_

Another hour passed before Clint heard his phone beep with the distinctive tone for Natasha’s texts. “Meet me at the subway in 15. Nick gave us the day off and I want Mexican.”

Clint rolled his sore shoulders and recalled the target. He looked at this spent arrows and cringed. Coulson would be getting a memo about excessive ammunition usage. It was after 11, he’d been shooting for over three hours straight.

He texted Natasha back, “Give me 30 need a shower”.

*********************************

The subway wasn't too crowded and they got seats at the back of the car away from other passengers. The routine noise of the subway and the rhythmic rocking of the car giving a sense of calm to the trip -- which Natasha very quickly interrupted.

“So what happened Clint?

Clint looked down at his shoes and shrugged, then winced at the pain. He was going to feeling those hours in the range for the next few days. “I don’t know?” Natasha gave him time to think about it. “Did you know Coulson was gay?”

Natasha gave him a flat look, “The cellist was a clue.”

“Jamie?” Natasha didn't react as realization dawned on Clint’s face. “Jamie was a guy? Why didn't you tell me?”

Natasha tilted her head to the side and gave him a perplexed look. “Why would I? Gossiping about SHIELD agents isn't something we usually do… If I’d realized how much it would matter to you I would have told you.”

“I made an ass of myself Nat.” Clint hung his head and rubbed the back of his neck. “I've been flirting with him for years and he’s never once reacted. He must have thought I was some kind of pathetic whore desperately pining for him, but I was just doing it for a laugh.” He looked up at Natasha with sad eyes and his voice took on a pleading tone. “I was just trying to get a rise out of stuffy old Coulson, ya know?”

“Clint, what is your worst case scenario here?”

Clint didn’t hesitate: “Coulson is going to leave me and never want to work with me or talk to me again.”

“Clint,” Natasha’s voice was slow and steady, like she was talking to a skittish animal. “Coulson knew he was gay before today. He has known you were bi for years. Nothing for him has changed except that you now know he is gay.” She gave him a moment to let that sink in. “Are you going to request a new handler and never talk to Coulson again?”

“No!”

“Then why, little one, do you think that is going to happen?”

Clint’s hands itched for his bow. He wanted something to hold on to or something to do with his hands to make this talking easier. “Coulson’s smart Nat. He’s smart, he’s brave, he’s a BAMF in the field, he’s kind, he’s the whole package. All I am is a good shot. I would do anything for him, but he doesn’t care about me beyond me being a good shot.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue. “I love him Nat. Like I love you. You two are the only two people in the world I love.” Clint looked out the window, anything to not think about what he was saying out loud. “Ya know, I showed up in his office an hour early today just so I could spend time with him? So I could listen to him make snarky comments about the junior agents, get him a coffee or remind him to eat if he forgot. Spending time with him is the best part of this job” his voice started to crack “and I mean nothing to him.”

Natasha put her arm around his shoulder and slowly stroked his hair.

Clint continued, “I always thought he was just a private man, and if he didn't want to talk about his personal life, that was okay.” Clint choked out a laugh “I don’t have much of a personal life either.” his voice got quieter, “But I want him to want to spend time with me the way I want to spend time with him. I want him to see things and think ‘oh I should tell Barton about this’ and I want him to want me to be hanging out on his couch even if it’s just while we’re both filling out forms or whatever. Because that’s that I want... every day.” 

Natasha kept up the rhythmic stroking of his hair and her voice was soothing. “Little brother, is it possible you want him to be more than just your handler?”  


Clint started up, eyes going wide with surprise, “No Nat! You’re getting this all wrong. I thought you were good at this? I just want him to care...”  


“Shh shh. Okay darling.” She pushed his head back down onto her shoulder and leaned down to kiss the top of his hair. “Take a deep breath. I’m sure everything will work out.”  


Clint settled down and breathed. “I hope you’re right Tasha, but I just don’t know.”


	6. One Month Later - Coulson POV

Natasha flashed the lights in Clint’s quarters on and off quickly, and before Barton was even awake he had a knife in his hand and was crouching beside his bed ready to attack.

“See Coulson, he gets up fast when he wants to,” Natasha smirked.

Coulson folded his arms and gave Natasha very blank look. “I prefer not to start my days with a word class assassin pointing weapons at me, you know, just a preference of mine.”

Clint relaxed from his attack stance and blinked sleepily at him. “Well Sir, you could always wake me with a blow job, I promise I don’t react violently to those,” coming down from his adrenalin fueled high back into a half awake sleep state, his leer ended up looking more endearing than it had any right to be. “Or cuddles,” he yawned “cuddles also work.” He stretched and returned the knife to to its hiding place. “So um, can I go back to sleep now or is there a reason you two are waking me up way too early?” He absentmindedly ran a hand through his sleep tousled hair and rubbed at his eyes. “My beds a little small for all three of us, but I’m sure we could make it work...” 

Coulson refrained from laughing. Over the last month Clint had kicked up his flirting and innuendos to a level Coulson hadn't known was possible, and it had been very distracting. Coulson had literally rewritten the dress code for the range because watching that man work without a top made him think things that were not appropriate for the workplace (he also suspected Clint had oiled himself ahead of time so that he glistened before he even started to sweat and that was just unprofessional...). However, Phil had managed to keep his Agent Coulson facade in place and not let his reactions to Barton change in the least.

But this half-awake Barton with his half-hearted innuendos and guileless desire for cuddles just cut through through all those layers of defense. He wanted to bundle Clint up into a bed full of fluffy blankets and soft pillows, tuck him in and stroke his hair until he almost purred and ensure he slept through the night without nightmares. The desire for that made him ache more any carnal comment or lusty display from Clint over the last month had.

Phil said, “Well, for starters it’s 1500, so it’s really more mid-afternoon; and it’s Saturday.”

Based on Natasha’s feedback to Nick, the Saturday afternoon activities had been Phil’s solution to reassuring Barton that nothing had changed. Now every week, Strike Team Delta got together for a non work related activity. It was actually fun. Phil genuinely enjoyed spending time with Natasha and Clint, and if the way Clint went out of his way to flirt with him and find excuses to touch him in ways could definitely have been counted as sexual harassment were a distraction, well as a man in his late 40’s, a quick private session in his shower ahead of time took care of any physical evidence.

This week the plan was pizza and the Lord of the Rings trilogy at Phil’s condo.

***************************

Phil kept a nice condo not too far from SHIELD HQ. He had a spare bedroom (although mostly it had become a display area for his memorabilia so he kept that door closed) a full kitchen that was very clean (primarily because he really only used it for coffee and heating up leftovers); but the best part of his home was the main living space which was dominated by a top of the line large screen TV mounted on the wall. Phil didn't have a lot of spare time, but he enjoyed watching trashy TV and epic superhero movies, so investing in a quality entertainment system had been an easy choice.

Having finished their pizza, the team was now just lounging around enjoying the movie; although in Clint’s case, enjoying meant keeping up a running commentary on Legolas’ bow work.  
“Pshaw I can do that.”  
“No way he did that.”  
“Lame CGI, the physics just don’t work that way!”

Natasha had taken the lazyboy chair and, having finished eating, Clint had decided the best way to enjoy the movie was to lie down on the couch with his head on Coulson’s lap, his hands stroking Coulson’s thighs. Phil had questioned it when he started, but Clint had just said he’d always wanted a dog and petting Coulson felt soothing, then looking up at him with those baby blue eyes that promised so much mischief, “You don’t mind, do you Sir?”

Coulson refrained sighing and didn't rise to the bait. _He’s trying to bait you. He wants to know how far he can push you before you’ll lash out at him. You need to show him that there is no limit. Prove to him he can trust you. You will not betray his trust._ That was the mantra that kept him going. Whatever else he might accomplish in life, he would be the one person who never betrayed Clint Barton’s trust.

“Of course not Barton.” Trying to figure out where he put his hands, he let one hand rest on Clint’s head. _Maybe two can play at this game a little._ “I actually had dog when I was growing up.” He started to pet Clint’s head very platonically, the way one would lovingly stroke a pet. “He was a beautiful golden lab. Most loyal creature in the world. He followed me everywhere, even on my paper route on the most bitter winter mornings.” His voice sounded wistful and a little sad “Silly mutt, he was risking his life in those northern winters, but he’d howl and wake the whole house if I tried to leave him behind and my grandpa was sick, so he always came with me.”

Clint’s hands had stilled while Coulson talked and he snuggled his head a bit more into Coulson’s lap, but it was different from the nuzzling he’d been doing earlier, less sexual somehow, more like a post-coital snuggle than pre-coital foreplay.

Coulson continued to stroke him and kept his eyes fixed on the TV screen. Phil desperately longed to bend over and kiss the top of his head, to wrap him up more tightly in his arms and make the last bits of tension melt away from Clint’s body. But he knew he couldn't do that. So he compartmentalized. He counted his breaths like he was connected to a lie detector machine and needed to keep this secret. He didn't tense up, didn't let any physical sign of his thoughts show. With the Black Widow in the room he couldn't be too careful. She may know, she may not know, but either way the less evidence he gave her the better.

Clint stayed still and stayed silent until part way through the second disc of the Fellowship he started to lightly snore.

Phil looked across to Natasha and (careful not to disturb Clint) gave a small shrug. “I guess he really was tired.”

“Do you want to wake him up and send us home?”

“No, let’s finish watching the movie. Barton probably needs the sleep after his last mission.” Phil kept his eyes on the TV, but he decompartmentalized a little and let himself enjoy having Clint asleep on his lap and he kept stroking his hair all the way through the movie and the credits until Natasha turned the movie off.

He asked, “Do you want to watch the next one?” 

Natasha raised her eyebrows in surprise, gave him a very calculating look and narrowed her eyes. Phil felt his stomach sink. He’d gone too far. The purpose of these movie nights was to reassure Barton, continuing did not serve that purpose if he was asleep. If the Black Widow hadn't known before, she knew now. FUCK.

He kept stroking Clint’s hair. He was still snoring lightly. _He’s still asleep. I have time to fix this. Think it through Coulson, lying to the Black Widow is a good way to get your throat slit in the night._

Sometimes being honest is the bravest thing to do. Phil consciously let his barriers down and looked at Natasha letting all of his raw emotion show. He whispered “I’m sorry. I can’t help it.” His hand shook a little as he pushed Clint’s hair back behind his ear. He was terrified. Clint loved Natasha more than anyone in the world. If she decided he was bad for Clint, he would lose him forever. “I promise I won’t hurt him.” He took a deep breath and willed his voice not to crack. “Please?” He didn't even know what he was asking for, her silence, her support, her forgiveness, her permission?

There was pity in her eyes when she looked at him. “You know he doesn't feel the same way.”

Phil felt his whole body relax. He wasn't going to lose them. “I know. And I will never push him.”

She motioned towards the way Clint was laying sprawled over top of him “He’s not going to let up with this.”

“I know.” He smiled fondly down at Clint. “I can manage.”

“He might change his mind someday.”

Phil literally shivered at the thought but he pushed it aside. “It doesn't matter. I’ll be here for him whatever comes.” He looked her directly in the eye. “I’ll be here for both of you.”

She gave him a very appraising look that went on for several minutes before saying quietly, “He likes it when you let him do his paperwork in your office, with you.”

Phil blinked and looked her straight on. Tonight was a night for truth between them and his instincts were telling him to trust her. He spoke slowly, trading one secret for another. “Nick is still thinking about the time he saw you dancing.” He paused for just a heartbeat. “If you don’t want him to, you should let him know.” She showed no more reaction than if he’d offered her another slice of pizza. Phil listened to his own heartbeat, Clint’s light snores and waited.

“Let’s watch the next movie.” she said. She set up the dvds and Phil just sat there on the couch, petting Clint and thinking how lucky he was. This time he didn't try to keep his eyes focused on the movie. He let them wander down to Clint’s sleeping face so much the movie might as well have been an audio book. He knew Natasha was watching him, but it didn't matter now. She knew and she wasn't going to tell him. He could look at the beautiful man sleeping on his lap as much as he wanted. 

When the movie ended Coulson gently shook Barton awake. 

“Aww man, you guys let me sleep through the Two Towers!” Clint rubbed sleepily at his eyes. “That’s got some of the most ridiculous Legolas scenes in the whole trilogy.” he whined.

Coulson smiled fondly at Barton, “We can watch it again next time.”

“Aww, you do love me. I knew I was your favourite.” Then he nuzzled his cheek suggestively against his thigh. “And as your favourite, while I've got my head in your lap, why don’t I thank you for dinner and a movie?”

“No, thank you Barton. I’m tired and would just like to go to bed.”

“Okay, maybe next week Bossman.” He stood up gracefully and gave him a jaunty salute.

“Not next week, I have to go to the SHIELD holiday party.” Phil made a face for their amusement, “Maria has made it mandatory for all of the senior agents.”

Clint laughed, “That doesn't include field agents, does it?”

Coulson just raised an eyebrow at him and allowed himself a calculated smirk.


	7. The Dance - Coulson POV

Phil had put on his most formal Agent Coulson suit for this event. It was a good opportunity to reinforce his image with the junior agents and a good way to ensure even his friends didn't try to rope him into any silly holiday shenanigans.

Maria and Natasha both looked lovely and interestingly they were also chatting with Jennings whose dress complemented Maria’s very nicely. Well, Phil hadn't seen that coming, but good for her. Maria deserved some happiness. He’d have to take her out for a beer soon, get caught up. It’d been too long since they’d spent time together outside of work.

Less pleasing was the young scientist Nathan approaching Clint and apparently asking him to dance and Clint saying yes.

They looked good out on the dance floor. Two young and attractive men, they moved well together. Nathan’s arms were around Clint’s shoulders, Clint’s wrapped around his waist. They were talking and he was making Barton laugh. And now Barton’s hands were sliding down lower and gripping the kid’s ass. _Fucking perfect. Definitely time for a drink. Or not. This is a time for controlled rational behaviour. Maybe time to go talk to Nick. Yes, that’s a good plan. It’s a safe bet that together we will be very unapproachable to the junior agents and that suits me just fine right now._

********************

Nick had not made any accommodation for the formal dress code and was in his black leather ensemble as if it were any other function. Phil thought about giving him a hard time about it, but given his choice of classic Man In Black attire, he didn't think the argument would go in his favour.

“Having a good time Sir?”

“No.” 

Fury remained completely stoic standing at parade rest as if he was still presenting to the World Security Council instead of hosting the company holiday party in a ball room with a live band, festive ambiance and five star catered buffet.

“Should I be running through the Life Model Decoy protocols right now?”

Fury almost cracked a smile. “If I thought I could sneak the budget costs past the WSC I would.”

Coulson switched tactics. “Natasha looks lovely tonight.”

“Are you trying to get yourself assigned to the arctic base Coulson?” growled Fury.

“No Sir. Just commenting on the scenery.”

“Well here’s a bit of scenery for you Coulson. Barton’s done dancing, he’s coming up on your six and I’m exiting stage right.”

Coulson felt himself tensing “Sir I've got an idea about how we could redistribute the costs for the LMDs that could make them more feasible. I’d really like to discuss that with you now.”

Fury barked a laugh and clapped him on the shoulder. “Too late Coulson. Should have thought of that before you started making comments about the scenery.”

“Fuck you Sir” grumbled Coulson.

“Right back at you Cheese” said Fury with a smile before he turned away and walked purposely towards Maria. 

Barton swaggered up to Coulson and swung an arm around his shoulder. “Well you keep turning down my invitations to do the horizontal mambo, how about doing the vertical one with me?” Clint held out his other hand to invite Coulson to dance.

Coulson politely pushed Clint’s hand back towards him and slipped out from under his other arm. “This isn't a mambo Barton. I don’t think there are even dance steps for this kind of pop music.”

Clint fluttered his eyelashes. “Come on Sir. Can’t you at least pretend that I am someone you like and dance with me like you would with them? You could make it my Christmas present.” As he spoke his voice turned from flirtatious to pleading. “Just this once, don’t turn me down. Please?”

“Be quiet Barton.” But even as he was saying it and fully intending to reject him, he found himself taking Clint’s hand and pulling him towards the dance floor. They started to sway to music and he gently pushed Clint’s head down so it rested on his shoulder and then wrapped his arms around the young man and pulled him close. 

_Oh God, he smells so good. like spice and clean sweat and something uniquely Clint._ Phil just wanted to nuzzle his neck and breathe in that smell forever. To taste him, to nibble on the skin above his pulse point and see how he reacted. Would he gasp and pull away, moan and lean into it? Would he return the favour? _Oh God stop it Coulson. If you get a boner right now that is going to betray Barton’s trust; stop it! Say something, say anything._

“Be quiet Barton, you know I like you.”

Clint chuckled silently and Phil could feel the vibrations through his chest where they were pressed up together “That might be more believable if you spent less time telling me to be quiet and actually talked to me.”

Phil tried to play it off as a joke but he sounded more tired than anything else as he replied. “I’m your handler Barton. How do you expect me to respond when you offer to suck me off in exchange for doing your paper work?”

Clint gave a frustrated sigh. “You could say yes, tell me to fuck off, hit me-”

Phil’s breath caught, he clutched at Clint and cut him off whispering fiercely, “I would never do that! And if anybody ever does that, you tell me Clint. You hear me? You tell me!”

Clint pushed him away, just a bit, to look him in the eye. “Relax Coulson.” He pretended to laugh. “No one has done that and if they did, I would take care of them, or Nat would.” He settled his head back on Coulson’s shoulder. “But it’s not like you couldn't say yes if you wanted to. Garrett is only one level lower than you and everyone knows he sleeps with most of his assets.”

Coulson tried to respond on a professional level. “I like Garrett, he’s a good agent; but he and I have very different ways of managing people.” Coulson took a calming breath. “Actually Nick considered assigning you to Garrett when you first came in. At the time I thought I would be a better fit with you, but maybe I miscalculated. Would you have preferred him?”

Clint burst into easy laughter. “Fuck no Boss. You’re mine and you’re the only one I want.” Then he lewdly ground his hips against Coulson’s leg, “I’m just saying we could make it a little bit more fun. Some mutual relaxation, mutual other things…”

Coulson huffed and shifted his hips away from Clint’s “Barton, why don’t you just get a boyfriend or girlfriend?” Coulson felt like he’d stabbed himself in the heart, he couldn't breathe. _Step, forward, step right, step back, step left, keep the dance movement going._ “You’re brilliant and gorgeous. I’m sure Nat could easily come up with ten people in this room who would be happy to either date you or have mutual…” he bumped his shoulder against Clint’s in a friendly way to try and reduce the tension and cover up how much saying this hurt, “relaxation. Whichever you want.”

Clint was silent for a few more steps and Coulson’s heart felt like a jackhammer trying to beat its way out of his chest. Step forward, step right, step back, step left. They repeated the simple box steps three more times before Coulson felt Clint relax in his arms and he could hear the teasing smile in his voice when he said, “Aww, you think I’m gorgeous!”

Coulson huffed and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “You know you’re gorgeous Barton. You don’t need me to tell you that.”

“See this is why you’re single Sir. You don’t know how to flatter your date.”

“You are not my date Barton.”

“I could be.”

Phil sighed. “Are we really going to start this conversation again.”

“No Sir. Sorry. I fuck everything up with you don’t I?” He sounded so sad, it broke Phil’s heart to know he’d put that tone into Clint’s voice.

“No. no don’t think that.” He pulled Clint closer and whispered in his ear “Just dance with me. OK Clint?” He felt Clint nod his head against his neck, he put his hand on the small of Clint’s back and they moved together around the room. The next song came on and Clint didn't let go, so they kept swaying to the music.

_You know I can't smile without you_  
 _I can't smile without you_  
 _I can't laugh and I can't sing_  
 _I'm finding it hard to do anything_  
 _You see I feel sad when you're sad_  
 _I feel glad when you're glad_  
 _If you only knew what I'm going through_  
 _I just can't smile without you_

Coulson enjoyed dancing, but listening to the words was hitting a bit too close to home and he wanted a distraction. “Barton, do you know how to follow a slow foxtrot dance?”

“I do.” He could hear the amusement in Barton’s response. “But not as well as she does.” Barton gestured towards the side of the room where a space was slowly opening up around Nick and Natasha as they danced, appearing completely oblivious to the attention they were getting.

Clint and Phil stilled, arms still wrapped around each other and watched the other couple dance. 

They moved across the dance floor so gracefully they seemed to float. Nick held Natasha in his arms like she was a the most precious and delicate thing in the world and when he dipped her backwards she held the pose like a porcelain ballerina figurine. Together they moved like two halves of the same whole. They looked like a perfect tableau, like something out of a Christmas movie.

“Who knew the Director could move like that?” asked Barton in a hushed tone.

Coulson responded in a similar tone.“I did. But I haven’t seen him do it since we were part of the Rangers and he was assigned to host the ambassador’s daughter.” He didn't try to keep the smile off his face, but he was probably the only person in the room who knew how long this had been coming. “Are you going to be okay with this Barton?”

Barton sputtered “Is this going to be a thing?”

“I think so. But Natasha is going to care if you’re okay with it.”

“You knew?!” He hissed violently at Coulson. “You knew this was going to happen?”

Coulson released his arms around Barton but stayed close so they could keep this conversation private. “I didn't know this was going to happen… but I did know there was potential for something like this to happen.” He paused to give Barton a chance to absorb what he was saying. “You had to know Nick debriefing Natasha so often after our missions was not standard protocol.”

Barton took a half step back and looked ready to attack. He snarled, “If your boss is trying to push her into anything, so help me, I’m going to fill that man full of arrows and leave his corpse for the crows to eat.”

“Hawkeye, do you really think even Fury could coerce the Black Widow into anything?” He hadn't seen Barton so skittish and ready to attack him personally since he was first recruited.

Barton’s tone didn't change “He could with the right leverage…”

“For how long?”

Barton snapped, “Until we escaped.” 

“That’s right Hawkeye. Until you both escaped. You and I both know that SHIELD would find it almost impossible to contain you and the Black Widow against your will for any duration.”

The anger seemed to just drain out of him and as Barton’s stance lost its predatory edge he just looked lost and confused. “But why? Why would she do this?”

Coulson resisted the urge to hug the younger man and instead he only reached out one arm to pat him on the shoulder. “I don’t know. That’s a question you’re going to have to ask her.”

“Can we… Can we just finish this dance?” asked Clint quietly.

“Yes of course.” Phil pulled Clint into his arms and whispered, “whatever you want.” If they moved less and if the dance became just the two of them swaying in place with their arms wrapped around each other, neither of them complained. Clint slipped his arms under Phil’s jacket and moved his hands up and down his back, half massaging and half tracing patterns into his skin. Phil felt every movement, every line burned into his skin.

When the last notes started to fade out Clint lifted his head and in the flash of a heartbeat, silently brushed his lips against Phil’s. Clint’s lips were as soft as he’d always imagined, just the touch of them took his breath away and left him hungry for more. He wanted Clint. He wanted to crush their lips together and kiss him breathless. To kiss all his worries away, make sure he knew he was loved and worthy of love; but he couldn't handle this, he couldn't take just being one of Clint’s one night stands, or worse, betraying the trust Barton had put in him and letting him think Phil would just use him for his body.

He tried to get his breath back. “I… I can’t do this Barton.” He could hear his own voice crack. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.” Discretion may be the better part of valour, but in this case there was no valour. Phil took two steps backwards turned and fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song wasn't part of my plan and it’s not quite perfect for the couple, but I was listening to a random ballroom dancing playlist on YouTube while writing and this song came on and somehow wrote itself into my story. So here’s the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7YpteYBAew&list=PLLC_TudZxc1uKS5H183R_1tU1rYUERlcL&index=32
> 
> here are the lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/barrymanilow/cantsmilewithoutyou.html
> 
> Here’s what a slow foxtrot dance looks like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HEIf2yP_P8


	8. After the Dance - Clint POV

As Natasha and Nick finished their dance they stepped away from each other and Nick bowed down to gallantly kiss her hand. “Thank you for the dance” he said.

Natasha said nothing, but gave him a genuine smile before flicking her eyes in Clint’s direction in warning.

Clint was stalking over towards them. Hawkeye stood before the Director, larger than life the way only someone filled with righteous indignation can be. He looked the Director straight on and glowered. “This is something you and I are going to talk about later, Nick. And I had better like what I hear.” With that he spun on his heel, grabbed Natasha by the arm and stalked out of the room, half dragging her behind him.

Sequestered away from prying eyes in one of Clint’s secret nests in the rafters, Natasha finally spoke. “Well that was an interesting display of alpha male machoism… Care to explain?”

“You know you don’t have to do this, right Nat?” he plead. “ Whatever he’s told you, whatever you think is going on, nothing is worth you have to barter yourself like that again. You and me, we can leave in a heartbeat and no one here could stop us.”

“Oh darling, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to.” She paused. “It’s nice not to feel lonely sometimes.”

“You never have to be lonely Nat!” He exclaimed “I love you and I will always be here for you.”

“Yes, and I love you too. But I love you like I imagine someone would love a brother and what I feel about Nick is different. He excites something in me. So much raw power and darkness tightly coiled and always desiring to burst free, restrained only by just one spark of light in him that has utter faith in the rightness of protecting others. It’s exhilarating to get a glimpse of what goes on in his heart and it’s comforting to see someone who had a darkness in their soul, like I do, who never doubts that being morally good is the right thing to do.” She took a breath and continued. “Clint, if he decides that he wants me to be more than just his asset without, and this part is important, without me using any Black Widow tricks to convince him, then I would like to be; but not if it’s going to hurt you.”

 _God dammit! He was a world class assassin. A respected agent of SHIELD. Expert undercover operative. Master tactician. Why the hell did he feel like he was about to break down into tears? Fuck!_ But he loved Natasha and he would never deny her anything. Even if it meant losing the only two people in the world that he loved on the same night, he could never deny her any chance at happiness.

“Of course Tasha. I only ever wanted you to be safe and happy. If that’s what Nick is going to give you then that’s great news.” He tried so hard to smile through the urge to cry. “But that man had better know that if he hurts you, not all the resources of SHIELD are going to save him from me!”

She embraced him. Little Natasha Romanov with her head barely coming up to his chest, her hug still felt bigger than he was. “Oh little darling, what aren’t you telling me? Why do you look like your world is about to end?”

Wrapped up in Natasha’s arms he broke down and started to silently shake with tears and she just held him. Whispering little nothings in Russian and rubbing circles on his back. When he felt all cried out, like he was drained of tears and his head was throbbing, he quietly muttered “I screwed up Nat.”

“Tell me what happened? I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. And if it is, then we’ll just take the people we like and start up SHIELD 2.0 somewhere else. You, me, Nick and Coulson, together we can do anything.”

If Clint had any tears left he would have started to cry again. “You’re going to have to build this dream team without Coulson. That man hates me.”

“Nonsense little bird.” Romanov was all business now. “We are his favourite assets. He even shares his donuts with us.” She cocked her head to the side as if considering, “I’m not sure if he even lets Nick eat his donuts.”

Clint barked a bitter laugh. “It’s so pathetic that I could probably list every time he’s offered me one of his donuts. I think every act of kindness from him is burned into my memory and my soul, but that’s just who he is. He’s kind to everybody.” He looked down at Natasha with beseeching eyes, begging her to understand. “He was even kind enough to dance with me tonight even though he didn't want to.”

“And how did that go?”

“I just wanted to tease him. See what he would do. I mean, he’s a gay man for Christ's sake, even if he doesn't like me, how can be completely uninterested in this?” he said gesturing towards his own body. He took a breath. “Have you ever danced with Coulson? Because if you haven’t, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to explain it.”

“Yes, several times on undercover ops and a few times at SHIELD functions. Why?”

“He’s a good dancer.”

“Of course he is. Would you expect anything less from Agent Coulson?”

“No I mean, he’s good, but he was also really good. When he held me in his arms and put my head on his shoulder, it didn't matter that I couldn't see what was going on around us, I felt so safe. Even after, when I was freaking out about whatever was going on between you and the Director, with him holding me, I still felt safe. Like I was sure it would all be okay. And I could smell his aftershave and he smelled so good. I just. I could have danced with him like that all night Nat. And then I kissed him! And oh Nat, the way he looked at me afterwards.” Clint’s voice cracked. “It was like I’d kicked a puppy and told him I hated Captain America. Like I’d betrayed him.” Clint tried to get the words out but it was hard to breathe. “I've never felt so awful in my entire life.”

“Oh little darling.”

“I don’t even know why I did it. I've been flirting with him for ages to try and get him to kiss me!”

“Do you want him to kiss you?”

“Yes! No! I don’t know. I mean, I love him like I love you, but different. You are where I keep my heart, all my family is just you. But he’s also important to me, just in a different way. But it’s not like I’m attracted to him. He’s like twenty years older than me.”

“Twelve” interjected Natasha.

“And it’s not like he’s especially attractive. I mean sure, he’s got the hot older man in a suit thing going on, which has kinda become my type in the last few years; and when he laughs those little crinkles around his eyes are adorable and anyone would want to touch them; and sure he’s got a hot body under those suits; and he’s got a jawline that really ought to be sculpted; and his eyes Nat, have you ever looked at his eyes? they are the most perfect blue. I’m never sure if they are more sky blue or ocean blue but I think I could spend hours looking at them and never tire of trying to find out. And when he’s stressed the way he purses his lips, anyone who cares about him would want to kiss those lips just to make him relax and smile.”

“I don’t.”

“What?”

“I love Coulson like an older brother or maybe an uncle, but I have no desire to spend hours trying to figure out what shade of blue his eyes are or kiss him to help him relax. Bring him a coffee, sure. But what you’re talking about is very different. And considering that you've been rhapsodizing about how hot you think every part of him is, you might want to reexamine your premise that you don’t think he’s especially attractive.” Clint made little gold fish imitations, his mouth opening and closing with only air coming out. Natasha gentled her tone and continued. “Why did you kiss him Clint?”

“I don’t know” he shrugged. “It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”

“What did it feel like?”

“Like coming home. I just wanted to wrap him up in my arms and kiss him until neither of us could breathe anymore.”

“What did he say?”

“He made it clear he wasn't interested and he left.”

“What did he actually say?”

Clint huffed and then in an imitation of an angry Coulson said “I can’t do this Barton. I’m sorry. I just can’t.” he huffed “Christ Nat. He even called me Barton.”

“He always calls you Barton.”

“He called me Clint while we were dancing,” he whispered.

“You want more than just being an asset and a friend to him.”

“I do.”

“And you want more than just a one night stand with him.”

“I do.” Natasha stayed quiet. “I’m in love with him Nat.” he whispered in a hushed tone. “Jesus fucking Christ!” His eyes went wide and his voice squeaked “I’m in love with the damn man! When the hell did that happen?”

“I think you've been in love with him for a long time little one.”

“And he hates me.”

“Oh sweet one. He doesn't. He really really doesn't.”


	9. After the Dance - Coulson POV

Phil was relatively certain that Clint wasn't going to come looking for him, but he also knew Clint knew several ways into his office and around his security measures, so instead he’d retreated to the Director’s office. He’d helped design the security for this space and that meant he’d envisioned an evil version of Barton and designed it to defend against that too.

He had the good scotch out and was nursing his third glass when Nick walked in. He raised a glass in salute. “Congratulations Sir, that looked like a lovely dance.”

“It was.” He pulled out a second glass for himself. “I might have enjoyed another one after it if your man hadn't come barging in to threaten me before practically kidnapping my lovely partner.”

Phil made a pained noise. “Please don’t Marcus. He’s really not my man.” Phil sounded exhausted. “And I’m not sure how much longer I can handle having him always in my space and pretending to offer me what I want so badly it hurts.”

“Yeah, about that.” Nick downed the last of his drink and slipped his phone back in his pocket. “Natasha says that she wants to talk to you in your office now.”

“And?”

“And, I think I will be pleasantly rewarded for delivering you, so, on your feet soldier.”

Phil grimaced ruefully “My life is about to get infinitely more complex with my subordinate having my boss wrapped around her little finger.”

Nick laughed, “Maybe, but from your boss’ perspective, it looks like it’s all going to be worth it.”

Phil gave a bitter chuckle “Well my boss is half blind so we’ll see how that works out...” Phil finished his drink and stood. “What does she want to talk about?”

“We’ll see when we get there.”

**********************************

The hall outside Coulson’s office was empty -- not surprising considering anyone in the building was expected to be at the party upstairs. 

Nick motioned towards the door, “After you.”

Phil was a former Ranger, a top SHIELD Agent and an expert level tactician. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at his boss. “Really Marcus?”

Nick had the grace to look somewhat chagrined. “No, not really. Just go on in. I won’t even lock the door behind you. Just listen to him.”

“What is he going to say?”

Fury scowled slightly. “Natasha didn't say. But I agree it’s time to clear the air between you.” He gave Phil a pat on the back. “If it goes badly me and my scotch will be waiting for you up in my office.”

Coulson straightened his shoulders. “Yes Sir.”

“Hey Cheese,”Nick squeezed his shoulder, “whatever happens, it can’t be worse than how you've been feeling.”

Phil tried to smirk, but it came out more as a grimace. “You just had to say it didn't you Nick.”  
“We make our own luck Phil, always have, always will.”  
Phil looked like a man walking to his own execution, but he put one foot after the other and didn't stumble as he walked into his office, closed the door behind him and engaged basic security. His office was soundproof, but however this conversation went, he didn't want any eavesdroppers, not even Nick.

Clint was perched on his desk, still dressed in his suit from the dance.

Phil huffed “Barton, off my desk.” 

“But Boss, I like the view up here.”

“Down Barton. Now,or I’ll make you polish all the scuff marks out again.” Phil started to breathe easier. The familiar banter of an argument they’d had a hundred times before was soothing in ways he didn't want to think about.”

Clint hopped down but wouldn't look at Phil. He scuffed at the floor and looked down at Phil’s shoes. “So Nat had some interesting things to say about last week’s movie night.”

Phil’s already alert posture became rigid, facing an execution squad rigid. _You knew the risks when she found out. Her first loyalty has always been to Clint. Time to take your medicine like a man._ He concentrated on regulating his breathing but couldn't make himself look at Clint so he focused his eyes on a point on the wall just above Clint’s shoulder.

“Because I really like you Coulson.” He took a shuddering breath and soldiered on, “I never had a place that felt like home before SHIELD took me in and you were a big part of that-”

Phil cut him off with a bitter sounding scoff. “With all due respect Barton, I don’t need you to tell me that I've been like a father figure to you. I already know that.”

“What? No!” He sounded pained “I wasn't going to say that Boss.” He raked his fingers through his hair and gave a frustrated sigh. “This isn't easy for me Coulson. Can you please just let me say my piece? Afterwards I’ll do whatever you want. Things can stay the same or I can stop flirting with you, I will stay or I will go, we can be friends or just asset and handler. OK? One last promise Coulson, just promise to hear me out. Please?”

 _Okay, he could do this, if all Clint wants is for him to listen, he could do this._ Phil gave a sharp nod “Okay. I promise,” and resumed his parade rest stance.

Clint gave him a small smile before looking away and starting to pace the room. “Okay, so here’s the thing: I really like you Coulson. I never had a place that felt like home before SHIELD took me in and you were a big part of that. At first I didn't like you very much. You were all stuffy and rules and forms and you never seemed happy with me. But even then I trusted you. Somehow you got under my skin and made me believe not only in SHIELD, but also in you.” 

Clint stopped pacing and faced away from Phil, pretending to examine the map of the world up on his wall. “Remember when we went on that first undercover op and you had to seduce that woman who was running the smuggling ring? You were so smooth, I was in awe of you. I think that was when I first started flirting with you. At first I think I was testing you, I wanted to make sure you weren't going to freak out on me if I brought a guy home some night, but you didn't even blink. To be honest I think it hurt my ego for a bit. But then I saw that you treated everyone the same way and I wanted you to think I was special because I knew you were special. That was when I started following you around everywhere and practically living on the couch in your office. And I started to worry about you not eating so I told myself that was why I was there, because I wanted to make sure you had your coffee made the way you liked it and so I could bring something to eat for lunch other than donuts.” 

Clint turned to face Phil from across the room. “I remember when you started dating the cellist I didn't like how much time you were spending away from work, away at places I couldn't follow you, and I started messing up my paperwork on purpose just to make you stay longer at work.” He blushed but looked Phil straight on for the first time. “I’m sorry about that Sir. That was really immature of me.” Then he looked away and went back to pacing. “But then you guys broke up and everything went back to normal. And I think I was happy like that for a while, just always being wherever you were, it made me happy. But then when I found out you were gay it was like my world shattered. I’d been flirting with you for years and you’d never even blinked. I felt like the smallest insect in the world, so far beneath your notice I was ashamed. I just wanted you to look at me. I didn't know why and I probably should have spent some time thinking about it, but all I knew was I wanted you to look at me differently from how you did anyone else in the world.”

He tried to force a laugh but it came out sounding like he was choking. “I don’t even know if I wanted to follow through with all the flirting. I probably would have, cause I’m not a cock teasing jackass, but I didn't care about that. I just wanted to break through your shell, to get a reaction from you that you didn't give to anyone else.” 

For the first time since he’d starting talking he walked towards Phil and stood within touching distance. “Now that Natasha has pointed out to me that I happen to think you are incredibly sexy, that you are my favourite person in the world, and that I would do anything to make you happy. Sir, I don’t know how long I've been in love with you but I am 100% gone on you. If there is any chance that you could feel the same, please Sir, I’d do anything to have a chance at something real with you.

Clint’s voice cracked like he was on the verge of tears. “Just. Please, let me know what you want from me. I’m in love with you and I’ll take whatever you will give me.” He gave a rueful laugh. “I don’t think I’m a good enough actor to go back to just flirting with you like it doesn't mean anything, but anything else is on the table. Things can go back to how they were before, I can stay as your asset or I can be reassigned, we can be friends or just asset and handler, or we can be more.” He took a deep breath. “This is my promise to you Sir: the balls in your court, whatever you want, I’ll do it.”

Phil couldn't even find words. His mouth had gone dry and pulse was racing. If this was the world’s cruelest joke or a dream, he didn't care. For once in his life he was going to take what he wanted and damn the consequences!

He yanked Clint towards him and captured the man with a searing kiss full of years of love and frustrated passion. “Oh God Barton, if you knew what you had been doing to me.” He pushed the younger man back against the wall and smothered him in wet hungry kisses. “I love you, you god damned beautiful, brilliant, frustrating man, of course I love you!.” He crushed their lips together again and gasped when he finally came up for air. “Oh God, the numbers of times I jerked off in the shower just thinking about you in the last month.” He growled and stole another hungry kiss from the man’s eager mouth. “I lived in terror and anticipation of what you would come up with next to tempt me.” He ground his hips against the other man and gasped, “When you were practicing on the range, muscles ripping, all slathered up in oil.” He groaned and shoved his leg between the other man’s knees to rut up against him. “Fuck Barton! I wanted to lick every inch of you until you howled and begged me to fuck you.” He rocked their hips together and groaned. “God Barton, if I don’t get us out of our pants soon I’m going to cum in my suit.”

“Call me Clint, please Sir.”

Phil moaned. “Oh Clint!” he was fucking Clint’s leg with abandon, any pretense of restraint gone. “Oh sweet Jesus Clint. I never imagined I’d get to say your name like this with you here.”

“Please Sir, can I suck you? I've been dreaming about for I don’t know how long.” Phil bit back a moan and ground his cock even harder into Clint’s leg.”

“Oh Clint, yes Clint, please! And,” he panted “And call me Phil. Please.”

Clint used his superior strength to push Phil off him and switch their positions so Phil had his back against the wall and sank to his knees. Hands making quick work of his belt and pants, he took a moment to squeeze Phil’s cock through his pants, before pulling it out of his briefs.

Phil let out a strangled cry, “Clint! Oh fucking God, Clint, please, please Clint!” His cock was hot to the touch and already leaking. Clint wasted no time in wrapping his mouth around and it and moaned in pleasure. The vibrations driving him crazy, Phil braced his arms against the wall behind him to compensate for his knees starting to give out under him. 

Clint eagerly devoured Phil, licking him up and down, slurping up his own drool and Phil’s precum. “Ahh fuck Clint! Don’t stop, no, wait, please stop! I’m so close, ah fuck, fuck, oh God Clint, you are so good. Oh Clint, Clint!” He made grabbing hands at Clint’s head, weakly trying to push him off. Breathlessly he gasped, “Please Clint, I don’t want this to be over yet. I love you so much.” He pulled Clint up to his feet and captured his lips in another burning kiss. “I want to taste you, I want to touch you, I want to make love with you.” He took a stumbling step towards his couch and pulled Clint with him. “Tell me what you want Clint. Tell me what you like.”

Clint let himself be guided by Phil towards the couch, where he finished stripping Phil of his pants while he said, “I’m pretty sure you already know what I like. Remember that op in Milan?” Phil’s cock gave a violent twitch at the thought and he had to pinch his dick at the base to stop himself from cumming on the spot.

Phil started to strip Clint out of his suit, lavishing quick kisses on each piece of skin as it became available. “Oh Clint, fucking hell, that’s what that op was.” The words were still seared into his brain and he was going to take full advantage of that memory. He reached out one hand to start teasing Clint’s nipples and was rewarded with a whimper. “Sitting in that van, listening to the man I loved more than anything in the world and thought I could never have describe his sexual pleasure.” Phil groaned. 

He gave a sharp twist to Clint’s nipple and Clint keened “Phil, oh Phil hell yes, please more!” In between nibbles and licks, Phil kept talking “I was a hair’s breadth away from cumming untouched sitting in that van.” Phil gave both his nipples a last firm pinch before scraping his nails down his chest.

“Oh God, yes, please Phil. Yes, Phil, more!” Clint’s own hands scrabbled at his belt, desperate to get out of his suit. By the time Phil finished teasing his chest his nipples were bright red pebbles and Clint was panting with need. Clint’s pants were sitting around his ankles and his boxers were barely containing his throbbing cock.

Phil kissed and nibbled his way back up his chest. He licked at the tender spot where the neck met his shoulder before quickly biting down possessively on it and sucking hard. Clint moaned and Phil kissed the spot tenderly before lifting his head and grasping Clint’s chin to turn it towards him so they faced each other eye to eye and lip to lip. “Please Clint,” he whispered, “say that you’ll be mine and I’ll be yours” he kissed him again, desperate for reassurance. “Please Clint” he begged, “I couldn't bare to share you. I know it’s selfish and fast; but I've loved you so much for so long, if you let this happen, I won’t be able to go back. If this isn't what you want, or if you aren't sure, we can go slow--” 

Clint stopped his mouth with a kiss so tender Phil felt time stop. “I love you Phil,” Clint said. He touched their foreheads together and gently reached a hand up to stroke Phil’s cheek. “You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours. Every part of my heart that doesn't belong to Natasha will belong to you. I will kiss you everyday and nobody but you. I’ll bring you breakfast in bed, make fun of your terrible TV shows, force you to eat food other than donuts for lunch, and make love with you every chance I get.” He reached a hand down to stroke Phil’s cock. “We can get started right now if you want.”

Phil shuddered and captured Clint’s lips in a desperate kiss. He gasped “I have supplies in my desk. Just” he paused to taste Clint again and kiss him one more time, “just wait right here.”

“Why Agent Coulson” Clint teased, “What is a respectable man like you doing with lube and condoms in your desk at work?”

Phil laughed and took a moment to appreciate the aesthetic of Clint, who was now completely naked, splayed out on his couch. “Blame it on a renegade agent on my team who has taken a perverse pleasure in working me up into fits of sexual frustration on an almost daily basis over the last month.”

Clint smiled up at him. “You’re going to have to point out this trouble maker to me. I’ll have to let them know that you’re mine and they better back off.”

Phil bent down to kiss him. “Next time it happens, I’ll be sure to let you know right away.”

“I love you” Clint sighed into his lips.

“I love you too” murmured Phil. 

“I’m going to love opening you up too” promised Phil. He poured some lube onto his hand and warmed it between his fingers. “You have no idea how many times I've jerked off just fantasizing about all the ways this might go.”

“Were we always in your office?” teased Clint.

Phil huffed. “Never,” he paused for a second “almost never” he amended. “But this is a one time thing. Special circumstances and all.” He started to run his fingers around Clint’s ass and slowly pushed one finger inside. Clint gasped.

“You mean like the Director and the Black Widow locking us in here together and telling us to get our shit together?” Phil pushed another finger inside and moved them around until he heard Clint cry out “Oh fuck Phil, yes right there!” He stroked the spot again just to hear Clint cry out.

Phil dropped his voice a little lower and growled, “I mean like a month of being teased by the most attractive man I know until I was so desperate with lust he was almost all I could think about every day. Wanting to kiss him every time he smiled; wanting to touch every sliver of skin; listening to him work out just to imagine how those grunts would sound in bed; and being touched constantly but never being allowed to touch back. You have no idea what you were doing to me Clint.” His lips found Clint’s and he bit down on his bottom lip at the same time as he scissored him open and brushed his prostate again.

Clint gave a wordless cry and Phil continued to tease and stretch him open. “What,” gasped Clint, “What was your favourite fantasy?”

Phil grunted and his fingers thrust up into Clint a little rougher. “You’d ask to ride me.” his voice rasped “fucking yourself on my dick until you came all over me.”

Clint moaned. “Oh God yes, Phil. I can do that. Please let me do that. Please let me ride you. I’m ready.”

“Oh Clint!” Phil whimpered into his neck. “I don’t know if I can last that long tonight.”

Clint manhandled Phil so he was laying down on the couch striped completely naked and Clint was positioned above him. He rolled the condom down onto Phil’s cock and added a bit more lube. “You ready for this baby?”

“So ready my love.”

Clint’s breath caught at the casual endearment and he didn't hesitate to slowly sink himself down onto Phil’s cock. “You fill me up so good.”

Phil’s eyes closed and he bit back a moan. “I’m not going to last Clint, oh God Clint, you feel so good.” Clint set a fast pace and groaned. Phil reached out and wrapped a hand around Clint’s cock.

Clint let out a strangled cry and started to fuck him faster. “Fucking hell Phil, that’s not playing fair! Oh God yes, just like that, faster, faster, oh God yes, Phil, Phil, Phil, PHIL!!!”

Clint clenched down around Phil’s cock, his hot seed ejaculated on his chest and Phil was gone. Every pleasure center in his body exploded as he cried out “Clint!”

It took time for the world to come back into focus. First he noticed the weight on top of him. The hot body of Clint and he smiled. He pulled his soft cock out of Clint and put the condom in a tissue before wrapping his arms around Clint and rolling them both onto their sides so they were spooning face to face. It was a tight fit on the couch but he didn't care, he just smiled and snuggled them closer.

“Mmmm” sighed Clint. “That was good Bos-- err Phil.” He blushed. “Sorry, eight years of habit. Might take more than one orgasm to break that habit.”

Phil tried to laugh but it came out sounding kind of strangled. “You’re still sure you want to break that habit?”

Clint brushed his lips so gently against Phil’s. “Absolutely. You are the the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I love you.”

Phil kissed him again and gave a happy sigh.

“So Phil, did I live up to your fantasies?” He sounded nervous and Phil couldn't resist the urge to kiss him again.

“You are a bright summer day next to the candlelight that was my fantasies of you. I’ll never be happy again unless it’s with you in my arms.”

Clint kissed him again and they traded sleepy kisses back and forth. Until Clint broke the silence “You know I love this couch Phil, but I’m absolutely certain your bed would be a more comfortable place to spend the night.”

Phil’s eyes went wide and he tried to keep the goofy smile from taking over his face, “You’d want to come home with me tonight?”

Clint gave him a more passionate kiss. “Of course.”

“Clint, I’m not a young man anymore. Once a night is pretty much all I’m good for.”

Clint hugged him tight. “Then we’ll just sleep, and if all I do in the morning is make you breakfast, I’ll still be happy I was there. I love you.”

Phil was struck speechless and all he could do was kiss Clint again with all the love he felt.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is my first fic so if I missed any tags or should add anything, just send me a note and I'll be happy to update it. I'd love to know what you think of it, any comments, concrit, or feedback would be awesome!
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr at http://twangcat.tumblr.com/


End file.
